Look at it. The scenery, plaid shirt (totally hipster/in right now), a hat that isn’t uncommon but stands out, wrapped in a blanket scarf of a different color and pattern that doesn’t really go, but does because somehow it all fits.

The past year, God has been teaching me so much about image, perception, ‘having life together’, and learning to be real. All over facebook and insta, we see highlights and beautiful moments displayed. And honestly, those things aren’t bad. I can’t fully blame them for my discontentment. I want to see all the cool things my friends are able to do or who they are marrying. I mean…that’s what social media is for, right? The heart problem is beyond something as simple as social media.

The problem is, it’s easy to get swept up in that. Not just what other people are posting that makes me feel inadequate, but what I’M posting that might make others feel bad. For example, I live in Spain. I get to travel quite a bit and see some really beautiful things. Easy to post about, right? Well, that’s about 3% of my life here. I don’t post the daily coffee times with students or how messy my kitchen is, or how I’m behind on a deadline, or how insecure I’m feeling about giving a devotional. None of things make the insta. I’m sure you can relate.

So how does that affect me? My heart? I once had a friend say, “Well, I want my profile to describe who I am. What I post exemplifies that.” And it’s stuck with me because, if I truly think my Instagram is a representation of who I am, then I am not only letting people see a small, shallow, glimpse of me, but I have created a fake reality to believe that those image make up who I am! So, so false. (I could go into an identity tangent, but you’ll have to look elsewhere for that.)

I am a mess. I am a human. Some days I feel great. Others day I feel raw and emotional. Welcome to the world, Lydia. And Christians (mostly me, but maybe you, too), can we stop pretending we have it all together, or better yet, that we are striving to have it all together? Cause from the way I see it, none of us ever will.

We see (and are) the people posting “ugly” photos of themselves with captions such as, “Oh, I’m such a mess but my friend is cute :P” but in reality, the person looks awesome. It doesn’t mean they are necessarily fishing for compliments, but legitimately being apologetic for how they look. How sad that our culture has made us apologize for things such as this!

Ultimately, our imperfections are real. And as Christians, by hiding those, we are completely leaving God out of the equation, and less glory and honor can be shown to the one who created us. By hiding our imperfections and problems, we are hiding the powerful work of the cross. We are saying, “Well, I know Jesus died for me, right here, in my shame, guilt, problems, but how about I just cover those up and raise my hands higher during singing. Then post a photo of me doing it.” Like somehow it’s better to display me worshiping God, then showing people how God has actually met me in my darkness and loved and accepted me there.

What an insult to God when we try and be perfect. Jesus came to the cross knowing we would NEVER achieve perfection. So why are we trying?

A friend recently gave me the book, “The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness” by Timothy Keller. It pointed out how both high and low self-esteem are prideful because they are inward focused. It’s egocentric to think either how great or terrible you are at something. The true way to be humble is to just stop thinking about yourself (which btw is NOT easy to do). It’s been such a challenge to stop thinking about my level of achievement with things and instead just to do them to the best of my ability and let God do what only He can do with what I give Him.

By taking our mess, surrendering it to God, and getting back to loving people, we find freedom. By being open about our flaws and problems and tendencies, Jesus can take hold of those things and help. When we admit those things to other people, you will most likely be met with a “me too”. God is so freaking cool that we can even glorify Him by being honest about our imperfections. How can we show people who Jesus is if they think they have to be ‘as perfect as you’ in order to enter relationship with Him? By showing people who don’t believe in God all our faults and the real-ness of our life, we get to show the power and freedom of Jesus.

To wrap up, I’ll use a quote from the book “Jesus > Religion” by Jefferson Bethke. “For the first time I realized just how inadequate I was. I realized just how incapable I was of freeing myself from sin. I was sitting in this filth and couldn’t get out when grace came and got me. It didn’t wait on the outside, but entered into my struggle. We don’t have to hide the fact that we are messy because God doesn’t hide the fact that that’s exactly the type of people he came to save.”

So, here are some of my faults… here are some things that make me a little less ‘perfect’ than I’d like to be….

• I have 3 jars of tomato sauce in my fridge that I’ve been too lazy to get rid of since January. And now I’m afraid to. Because I want to recycle the jars but then I have to clean out what’s on the inside. Gross. (Sorry Tam&Karla)
• I let my schedule dictate my time with God (instead of the other way around) and a lot of times, that means God doesn’t get my full attention. Which effects every area of my life.
• I am terrified to become a teacher. Just as I’m terrified that I’m incapable of doing ministry well.
• Basically I’m just terrified that I am not capable of doing anything well enough (…look above and see the whole part about self-forgetfulness. But that’s a whole different post I could write).
• Although I’ve improved quite a bit since high school, I give in to the urge to gossip or say sarcastic and rude comments about people more than I should. Even when I am telling myself not to, I do it anyway. And that hurts people I love.
• I selfishly enjoy when people tell me how “amazing & brave” I am, when in reality, I cry to God a lot about how scared I am about most things because I don’t trust Him enough.
• I enjoy covering up my flaws because I am vain and care more about what other people think about me then I let on to.
• I purposely separate myself from God daily, but I trust that even with all these flaws, God is more powerful than anything I can fathom and I am so loved just as I am – regardless of anything I do, because that’s the nature and character of God. Thanks.