That word. Single. For those of us like me, who have never really dated anyone, it’s a word that reminds us fthat yes, we are alone. Solo. Table for 1. We crack jokes about “being forever alone” and share photos of huge engaged/married families with one guy holding up a sign saying, “I have egg salad”. For example…

Sometimes those things really make me laugh, sometimes they jab right where it hurts, and sometimes  I think about how it’s not really something we should be joking about on social media all the time because in reality…there are so many of us who are single. We shouldn’t use singleness as a need for attention.

Life is hard, right? We all have challenges. And I think somehow we have it wrapped up in our brains that if we had ‘someone to face the struggles with us’, then life would be better. And in some instances, that is correct. But being in close relationships provide other challenges. Like finding emotional boundaries, communication issues, working through disappointing situations with someone who claims to love you. Am I right? There are always challenges – it’s just about which ones you’re currently facing.

Someone once asked me this summer, “Lydia, you’ve got to teach me how to be content with being single, cause like, it’s not working out for me so well.” And to be honest, about 85% of the time I truly am content with being single. But let’s be real – when you have 6 engagements, 2 weddings, and 3 babies pop up on your news feed, somehow you start questioning everything in your life to a degree that’s unhealthy.

So, realistically I don’t know if I can be 100% content with the prospect of being single, today, tomorrow, forever. And I think that’s okay because I do want to get married eventually. So let’s talk about ways to be content for at least a majority of the time!

First, I need to make a list. No really. It helps.

Reasons why I like being single:
-I get to do ministry in Spain. I can pick up and leave at any point. I get to do mission work.
– I get to eat whatever I want without having to think of someone else in what I’m preparing. #vegetarianproblems
– I have more time to devote to friendships, passions, hobbies, travel, and most importantly the Lord
-I get to develop who I am and whose I am without factoring in another person.

Yes being married or having someone to take cute photos with at a pumpkin patch is great. But realistically, it just seems really complicated. I want to be confident in who I am – as Lydia – before I try bringing in another person. My likes, dislikes, passions, dreams, goals. The things God has in store for me. Loving people well.

And how can I love other people well if I don’t love me? You can’t share what you don’t have. This especially applies to a dating relationship. How can you love another person, truly, sacrificially, if you don’t love yourself? If you don’t see your own value- how worthy and special you are.

And even further –

I don’t want another person to have to depend on me for their happiness. That’s too much pressure! Yes I can bring happiness into someone’s life – but if I’m expected to be the thing that makes them happy we are both going to be disappointed. So same goes for me. I can’t expect someone to make me happy. My contentment with who I am must lie in the only thing stable enough for that. Jesus. The one who first loved me.

Matthew 6:33 states, “But seek FIRST His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”

You know what makes me content?

Seeking first God’s kingdom. Aka – purpose. When I align things I like to do, with how I can love people, and do it for God’s glory? Man nothing is better than that. If I can guide someone to feel the same freedom of love that God gives us, then why would I focus on if I have a boyfriend or not. That’s so minuscule in comparison to the lasting impression God has in my life, and hopefully the lives of others.

So, during that 15% of my time when I’m not feeling so content, I rest in God. I read what HE thinks about me, how He cares for me, and how He loves me. And when it’s put into perspective, I don’t need another ‘person’. I’ve got wonderful friends, and people who care about me. I protect myself by not giving into “rom com realities” or lingering on texts from guy friends and I don’t have a wedding board on Pinterest. (Not that this is a bad thing, but for me it’s not good to focus on a future that may or may not happen).

God’s got you. And He’s got your future. It just depends on who you’re looking to honor in your future – you or God.

Unfortunately, your heart may be the issues, not the relationship status. Seek community. Seek those who care for you. You’re not alone in this world. Don’t let yourself believe that.

Loneliness, insecurities, feeling of inadequacy, whatever it may be – those will be with you whether you are married or not. Marriage will not solve all your issues. In fact a lot of time they increase. So in Colossians 2:10, when it says “and in Christ you have been brought to fullness”, trust that God is the one who forms us and shapes us. He is where we can place our identity. He is the hope, joy, and light of life. So if you choose to get married or not one day, you will be a person that has no fear in who you are and who you belong to.